Milk

If isn't already obvious, let me be very clear, Rishi makes my world go around. When I think about him, tears well up in my eyes. Some times when I hold him, I have to restrain myself from squeezing him until he can't breathe. Other times he does some thing new and I think that my heart might actually explode.

Motherhood has been very good to me.

I found a clarity in my thinking throughout my entire pregnancy with Rishi. I was able to freely admit my flaws and am trying to take ownership for my failures. I don't know what it was about having his little person inside of me but each swift kick calmed me further.

When he was born, I was convinced that I was going to have horrible post-partum depression considering my previous history with it. I even paid out of pocket $300/hr to see a psychiatrist who specializes in maternal issues (I only went once). She told me that she highly recommended that I get on meds the last few weeks of my pregnancy and stay on them. My psychiatrist felt the same way but he didn't push it as hard because he knew how much I hated taking them. I decided not to and take my chances.

I was lucky to have a fabulous husband, sister, best-friend, and most importantly, a mother-in-law who held my hand for a whole month after Rishi was born. I was convinced that once all these people left, I would be surely in for the blow that I had been dodging. But instead, I felt calm. Sure - there were moments that I thought I was losing my sh*t but overall, the feeling was calm. All the methods of self-medication I had used in the past couldn't dare compete with this high.

I have been getting a little frustrated and worried about Rishi's cognitive development. He wasn't showing signs of receptive language and I was thinking about maybe getting an Early Intervention Team to take a look at him by 15 months. We have been trying to teach him sign language since he was six months old. Now, I know all the books say that most babies don't start signing until they are a year but I thought that if we started him early, then he would surely catch on. He wasn't. I would make the sign for milk every time I gave him his bottle but he would just laugh and grab the bottle from me. Then, today at lunch my friend was giving her son a bottle of milk and Rishi sat in his high chair staring right at them making the signs. Absolutely amazing.

Not only has he pushed aside my decades long battle with depression, he makes me a better person by teaching me valuable life lessons like patience.

And he's not even 13 months yet.