Baby, I Got Your Back

According to Elyse Rubenstein, a Philadelphia psychiatrist who counsels new mothers, the term refers to "an inborn tendency to want to protect and nurture one's offspring." Almost all mothers (human and animal alike) eventually come to feel this way after they have a child. (from BabyCenter.com).


It has been my experience that some women are born with this instinct to protect the young. I wasn't programmed that way. Don't get me wrong, if a kid is hurt, I will do my best to help it (unless it is bleeding - then I would just pass out). But I don't think my behavior would change dramatically if the injured person was 1 or 60; I would just help in the way that I could. Some people however, get really protective of young children. They are always watching out for it and making sure they don't get hurt. I always thought that I am too selfish this way and wondered if it would change once I became a mother. People kept telling me that it would but I wasn't so sure. When children cry for small injuries, I don't become sympathetic and tender - I get annoyed and want to tell them to suck it up. Che used to make fun of me for it because I was so cold with little kids. RC is much better at this which is why he was often asked to babysit and I never was. I remember the first time Didi asked me to watch Roti 2 on my own, I asked her, "Are you sure??" Then, when I babysat all four Rotis at once, I actually invited my friend who is a mom of two to come over because I didn't trust myself. Fortunately, no injuries occured on my watch so I am still allowed to play with them. =)


But then I became pregnant and nothing really changed. There is some book that I read that said that women become mothers when they get pregnant and men become fathers once they finally see their baby. I didn't notice any change in thinking so I began to wonder if I would ever feel this thing called maternal instinct. Well, then Revathi (odd days we are referring to it as a girl, even days we are trying out all the boy names) started to move around and I started to feel a little more connected to her. Then RC started to talk to her on a regular basis and that also started to make me feel more like a family but not quite maternal.


Then because of an event in my family, it clicked. I was being asked to leave her for a few hours with Mom to attend an event in the middle of August. Our due date is at the end of July so even if she was born two weeks early, that would make her only a month old. A few months ago, if I heard about this situation as an outsider, I would have thought, "What is the big deal? That mom is such a freak. It's only a few hours." In fact, I respected new mothers who would leave their kids after only a few weeks; thinking that they were not letting this motherhood thing cramp their style. But I couldn't commit to the event. I called Didi to see if I was overreacting. Since she is a pediatrician and a mom, I thought that she has heard of situations like this and would give me an honest answer. She told me that if a infant gets a fever in the first six weeks that the usual course of action would be hospitalization. Tears blurred my thoughts when I thought about Revathi in a hospital with tubes sticking out of her. I remember visiting Roti 3 in the hospital when he was five months and that was horrible to see. All the sudden, I felt it - the NEED to protect this baby from any danger out there. Also, I plan on breastfeeding and I thought, who else can feed this child if I am gone for a few hours? Newborns nurse every three hours or so. RC, Didi, or Mom can certainly provide outstanding care for her and will make sure she doesn't get sick, but I am the only one that can give her food. Perhaps it is my pregnancy hormones but let's be real - the post-partum ones won't make me any more rational. For that reason, I am making the decision now so that I won't feel guilty later. Even though making that decision has been agonizing, one good thing that has come out of it was that it has made me feel so close to this life inside of me.


I think I am finally ready for this motherhood thing.